The Hilarious Chronicles of a Modern Day Pharaoh and His Coffin

Not many people can say that they have slept in a Pharaoh's coffin, but I'm not like most people. Now, don't get the wrong idea, I'm not some kind of ancient mummy version of Dracula. Nope, I'm just a regular guy with an affinity for all things Egyptian and an ecommerce store that sells them.

It all started when I got this fun idea to sell Egyptian costumes and props online. I mean, who doesn't want to show up at a party dressed like Cleopatra or King Tut, am I right?

But then, I came across this giant, intricately designed, Pharaoh's coffin and thought, "Surely, this has got to be my best seller." And, oh boy, was I wrong!

Let's just say, while everyone loved the idea of donning an Egyptian collar or a golden headpiece, nobody was particularly thrilled about buying a life-size coffin. So, there it sat in my living room...a 400-pound reminder of my not-so-brilliant business decision.

Where's The Mummy, You Ask?

Well, as it turns out, the mummy was me! After a few weeks of staring at the behemoth, I decided to make the most of my investment. I began sleeping in it... not a bad bed, if you ignore the claustrophobia and the constant fear of being mistaken for a mummy!

But the fun didn't stop there. Living with a Pharaoh's coffin in your house leads to some fantastic stories. Like that time when I ordered pizza and the delivery guy almost dropped my margherita flat on the floor after he saw me rising from the coffin like a newly awakened mummy.

Or that time my date surprised me at midnight only to scream her lungs out when she found me fast asleep in the coffin. Needless to say, she never called back.

Coffin-Phobia: It's A Real Thing!

Bet you didn't know that! Well, neither did I, until my friends stopped visiting. Apparently, hanging out with a coffin in the room isn't everybody's cup of tea. Who knew?

But you know what? Despite all the funny stories and the occasional scares, I've come to love my giant Pharaoh's coffin. It's become a part of me and my life story. And one day, when I finally sell it (here's hoping), I'm going to miss it.

So, folks, if you ever find yourself in possession of an enormous Pharaoh's coffin, remember my advice: Embrace it, sleep in it, scare your friends with it. Because life is too short for regrets and too long for boring furniture.

And who knows? Maybe one day you'll find yourself writing a hilarious blog about your adventures with a Pharaoh's coffin, too! Until then, keep laughing and remember: You're only as old as your sarcophagus...I mean, heart.